September 2007


Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

“Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour “. “But yaar “, he says, “I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote.”

Yeh Daulat bhi lelo… from Jagjit Singh (Revised version for college days)

Yeh Degree bhi lelo, Yeh Naukri bhi lelo,
Bhale mujhse lelo who US ka Visa,
Magar mujhko lauta do college ka canteen,
Who TeeKha Samosaa, Who thanda saaa paani,
Who Teekha Samosa, Who thanda saaa paani

 

Who College ki sabse - purani nishaanee,
Who chai vaalaa jisko - saare kehte the…jaani,
Who jaani ke hathon - ki ‘cutting’ chai meethi,
Who chup-kese journal - mein Jo bheji thi chitthi,
Who padhte hi chitthi - tha uska bhadakna,
Who chehre ki laali, who aankhon kaa gussaa
Who teekha samosa, who thanda saaa paani..

 

Kadi dhoop mein - apni room se nikalnaa,
Who project ki Khatir - tha Dar Dar bhataknaa ,
Who lecture mein doston - ki proxy lagaanaa,
Who sir ko chidana, aeroplane udaanaa,
Who submission ki raton - ko jagna jagaanaa,
Who vivas ke kisse, who pracs ki kahani….
Who teekha samosa, who thanda saaa paani.

 

Who dena Bimaari - ka har time bahana,
Who doosron ka assignment - ko apnaa banana,
Who seminar ke din - pairon ka chat-patanaa,
Who workshop mein din bhar - pasinaa bahanaa,
Who slogans banana - aur Gym me rakhadna,
Phir Exam ke din ko - tha bechain hona,
Who teekha samosa, who thanda s AAA paani..

 

College ki thi - who lambi is raatein,
Who doston se tapre pe - pyaari is Baatein;
Who gathering ke din ka Jo ladnaa Jhagadnaa;
Who kudiyon ka yuhin - hamesha akadnaa;
Bhulaaye nahin bhool sakta hai koi
Who Rahul ki masti, Who college ki yaaden,
Who baatein sama, who guzara jamana
Who teekha samosa, Who thanda saaa paani..
Who teekha samosa, Who thanda saaa paani…

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, and vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do. One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: “Let’s play hide and seek!” All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: “I want to count, I want to count!” And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: “One, two, three…” As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding.

Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon…
Treason hid in a pile of garbage…
Fondness curled up between the clouds…and
Passion went to the centre of the earth….
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake… whilst
Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking.
And Madness continued to count: …. “seventy nine, eighty, eighty one…”

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.

Madness: “…ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven…” Just when Madness got to one hundred………Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And Madness turned around and shouted: “I’m coming, I’m coming!”

As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of the earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness: “You only need to find Love and Love is hiding in the rose bush.” Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rosebush. Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes. Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love’s eyes with a pitch fork. “What have I done! What have I done!” Madness shouted. “I have left you blind! How can I repair it?”

And Love answered: “You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide.”

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

Curtain rods
(revenge is sweet and smelly….this is wicked :)

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything: cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned, air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Figuring that his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home …………………….inclu ding the curtain rods.

DON’T YOU JUST LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS??????


P.S. This is a best story i have read so far. Hope my blog visitors too enjoyed the story.

Main kaidi no 786 from Veer Zaara…. ( Revised version in office)

Main kaidi no 786..
Cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
apni hi tarah
khaali baithe ek colleague ko dekhta hoon
kabhi mail karta
kabhi coffee peeta
kabhi Extn pe baat karta
Messenger pe chat karta rehta
woh kehte hain woh TL hai
woh kehte hain woh senior hai
fir kyon mere jaisa lagta hai
kyon din bhar FW: padhta hai

cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
cabin me baithe apne PM ko dekhta hoon
Main kaidi no 786..
kabhi phone pe
kabhi conference-call pe
gussa utarta jaane kis pe
who kehte hain project aane wala hai
training complete karo , kaam aane wala hai
fir kyon mujhe yeh jhootha sa lagta hai
fir kyon yeh sapna sa lagta hai

Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon
Doosri companiyon ko join kar chuke
purane doston ko dekhta hoon
woh kehte hain bond ka kya hai, chale jao
woh kehte hain kahin aur kismat aazmao
fir kyon bond todne se dil darta hai
abhi ek saal aur intezaar
karne ko jee karta hai

Main kaidi no 786..
cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon………….